yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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