My nipple is on Facebook.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
