yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
