Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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