i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
