So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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