Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
