I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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