How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
