we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize