i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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