Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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