That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
