Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
