i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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