you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
