his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
