I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize