im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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