Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
