Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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