he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
