I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
