I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Drake has all the answers
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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