I am spending my child support on dildos
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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