I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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