I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
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