I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
