God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
