I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
