Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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