My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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