Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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