Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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