Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
