I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
