Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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