hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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