he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
