I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
