He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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