I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
