and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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