so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
