My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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