why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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