Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
"it" just moved
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Randomize
