I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize