I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
