Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
As shirtless as possible
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
