Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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