She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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