Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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