I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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