He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
