Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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