Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
