Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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