Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
