I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Randomize
