so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
