so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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