i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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