rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
