i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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