Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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