Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
