this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
