lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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