I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
