i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
