yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize