piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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