When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
