oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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