we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
