We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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