He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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