Where did you get a picture of my penis
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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