thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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