I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
