babies were throwing up all over the place
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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