I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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