if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize