only you would photoshop your dick
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
