i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
