just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i just made my gag reflex go away.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
