Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
