i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
