"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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