Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
