So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Farmville is her only friend.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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